LAST LETTER- YOU

Posted: December 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

You.


How do you still have the power to make me feel stupid?
How do you still have the power to make me cry?
Seeing you again is like two years hasn’t passed since we last talked, and I still remember everything that happened between us like it was yesterday.
I force myself not to think about you.
But the harder I try, the more I still do.
I see you around now and it kills me.
For so long I wished you were miserable and a recluse.
Sad and alone.
Regretting the old days and wishing you had never let me go.
The WAY you even let me go.
Like I had become so dispensable.
A cheap wash cloth.
You didn’t have to fight to keep me in your life or keep what we had.
You just let me go ’cause it was that easy to.

I used to think we were two souls bound together as one.
Kindred spirits.
Two dark and twisted beings who found each other by chance.
Then fate let us have so much in common.
It was ridiculous how much we understood each other.
And it was unbelievable how gradually what happened between us grew and spread.
I hadn’t realised it had until it did.

But before I could enjoy it, you kicked me to the kerb and sped right past me so fast, the muddy rain water in the puddle by the road splashed all over me.
And now you’re back, and all those pent up feelings of long ago come rushing back in.
I was always a better writer when I was writing about you.
All my best love poems were the ones I wrote thinking about you.

You broke my heart.
You.
You stood on a tall mountain and let my fragile, porcelain heart fall to the rocky depths and shatter into a million pieces.
You took all the love I had for you and made me feel like you felt it too, then you pushed me into the rain and left me in the cold; drenched and shivering.

You broke me.
You.
And now here you are again.
Back.
Ready to smash the leftover shards of my breakable heart?
Or the little pieces that I managed to glue back together to become what you see now?

Here you are again:
Why are you back?
Couldn’t you stay dead and buried along with all the feelings I had for you before you broke my heart?
Why are you back to torture me into re-living the memories about you that I have kept hidden a long time ago?

Why are you here again?
Have I not suffered enough?
So I’m writing this to you, a final goodbye for you to leave me alone.
Probably the hurt I feel at you now is from all the unresolved feelings from when you left me.
But I’m done trying to understand why you did something so evil to me. You could be the devil himself minus the horns and a few shades of red.

I’m done hurting over you, so I’m letting you go. This is the last letter I’m writing to you and I hope it will be so.

I hope you find all the things you couldn’t see in me, although right now you look worse than when we were together.
I wish you love and joy because those are all the things I hope someone would wish for me.
I hope you find all the love that match up to my hate for you.
For as much as I hate you right now, the truth is, I still love you.

Ronke Adeleke

ronnieotega.wordpress.com

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